A Colourful Monochrome

Do you remember the last time when you did something that you didn’t share on any of the social media?

I know you don’t unless you are quite unfrequent on them… Or may be perhaps before you started using any of these…

In regard to updating our status have come in trend the very popular and unavoidable ‘hashtags’. If you are a social media user, there is no need to explain about it. Even if you aren’t, you might have heard it somewhere or the other. Using‘Hashtags’ is a very smart, short and appealing way to express all your feelings, events and everything in just a few words. They are a perfect description of what you have on your mind. #party #enjoying #love_at_first_sight #breakup #feeling_low #home #ldr -a few to name, who doesn’t love putting them all around their fb posts and photos. And not a single on a…

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She couldn’t hide!

He: ‘Can I ask you a question?’
She: ‘Yes, go on.’

He: ‘Is everything alright? I mean, are you stressed about something?’

She: ‘Not at all. Why are you asking so?’

He: ‘I sense it in your voice.’
The voice, of course. How hard she had tried to keep it a secret. All those fake smiles went in vein. Because he had sensed it all. Those silent sobs. Those heavy tears. 

She was good at hiding things.

Except those tears. 

She had missed him a lot. She had been waiting for his call since days that seemed like ages to her. She knew he was busy. Still she held certain expectations. Despite knowing that he will be unavailable to take calls, she kept on trying his number for days. 

She was strong. She knew that she should stay strong. It was just an emotional outburst. She had been crying since morning. Had scrolled through all the memories in her phone gallery. That old diary that had been remained untouched for months was taken out from the shelf. The blank page with the wetness of that tear which had managed to roll down from her cheek said the whole story. And those silent screams while reading the old entries that read the same story of distances. Nothing had changed– The diary entries, those tears, the loneliness.

The call gave her some relief. Those invisible scars of distances were to be healed. His soothing voice was like a medicine to her. The way he smiled while talking about his accomplishments, and the way he laughed at her silly jokes. She did not want him to sense her sadness. Because she could sense how happy he was today. But, it wasn’t a child’s play to hide things from him especially the tears.

She: ‘Everything is alright baby! It’s just that ….. I was missing you….a lot. That’s why, when I got your call, I could stop crying.’

He: ‘Stupid! Then you should be happy that I called.’

She: ‘Yes, I am.’

She was content now. Because she was healed.

The birthday gift I wanted.

Birthdays are exciting!
Birthdays were exciting.

 Do you know how I used to count months for my birthday? The birthday dress that my parents used to buy for me! The big cake! All friends came to house for party! So many gifts I used to get! And all my favorite dishes that my mother prepared.

Do you know that things tend to change? Do you know that birthday isn’t exciting for me anymore? My parents still buy me a dress and my mother cooks my favorite vegetable. And that is the only good part of the day. 

There is no party now! Because there are no friends now! Do you hear that? You are my only friend. I invited you for my birthday. I had thought of blowing the candles and cut the cake- like I used to do when I was a kid. But you did not come. 

I received your parcel. I was excited to open it. Because that is the only gift I got this year. It’s a wrist watch! Beautiful it is! I never purchased a watch for myself. The watch I wear is a gift from my mother.

I am happy to see the gift. But I feel my eyes are wet.

You gifted me a watch.
Wish you could gift me some time.

I wanted to sit beside you and laugh!

 I wish …!

And when I lost the game

Childhood games were awesome. Hide n seek was the most popular game. You could play it with anybody. Sometimes a person used to hide beyond the decided territory of game. That was one big cheating. Long arguments, extended fights which involved frauds done in last day’s game as well would follow. But after few minutes, everybody would get back to the game with mutual understanding. And if by a chance, the fight gets serious and one of the player quits the game and go home; the whole army of kids would march till his home to resolve the matter.
We are grown up now. We have different games to play. Not the golf, cricket, baseball etc, but the real games which our life/society designs for us.
There is unique set of game designed for every single person. Although the game is same- The childhood game- ‘Hide n seek’. Just the conditions are different.
A poor man seeks for food that’s been hidden in the bakery shop. A keen student seeks for education that’s been hidden in those private schools whose fees his family can’t pay. A businessman seeks for investors. Manufacturers seek for retailers and retailers seek for customers. A man seeks for a suitable bride who is hidden at some unknown place in this big world.
A thief is hiding himself from police who stole some money. A kid is hiding from her mother who failed in the school test. A teenager is hiding from his father who accidently lost his phone. And this goes on.
It’s the same game; just the players and conditions are changed. You could restart the game if you are caught, but when you are grown up you will probably get no chance to play the game again. You will be behind the bars if police gets you, no matter why you stole the bread.
There are set boundaries for the game.
“You are allowed to hide till the end of this road.”
Even if you cross the boundary and you are caught, you will resolve the matter in next 5 minutes. But what about a girl who crossed her boundary by marrying a guy whom her parents don’t approve? Would this matter be resolved in some 5 minutes? No. Because the conditions of the game are changed.
Nobody will see that she married a guy whom she loves and with whom she sees her future. What people will see is the broken trust of her parents and the fall in their dignity.
(For those who cannot understand the logic, please note that in some parts of the world, a person is not allowed to marry someone of his/her choice. They don’t believe in the concept of love marriage. Arranged marriage system is followed in such societies.)
Accordingly, you cannot love someone and your family at the same time. But you can love your family and a person chosen by your family at the same time.
You are sensible enough to vote at the age of 18; careful enough to drive at the age of 18, responsible enough to drink at the age of 21 and mature enough to marry at the age of 18 (in case of girls) and 21 (in case of boys). But you are never old enough to marry a person of your own choice. What world are we living in?
If you love someone, how exactly your parents’ trust is broken? If you go on a date with your boyfriend/girlfriend, how exactly your family’s reputation is being spoiled. If you kiss your partner, how exactly you broke your parent’s heart? Are we not adults? Aren’t we allowed to choose our partner? Aren’t we allowed to be happy? Aren’t we allowed to make decisions and aren’t we allowed to make mistakes and learn from them?
Life is not about restrictions. It’s about experiences.
Family has a big role to play but so does individuality.

The not so little worries

Infant → Schoolboy → Teenager → Young man → Middle aged → old man → Dotage & death

This is how Shakespeare has named the SEVEN STAGES OF LIFE and he has even decribed each one of them in the most elegant way.

Life isn’t  about birth and death. Along with it comes its worries.

Who in the world has zero problems and zero tensions? A child is worried about his homework or the upcoming exams. A teenager would probably be worried about his looks and spends his time on thinking about his crush in college. A boy who is now young and mature is now worried about his career,  job and money. A guy who is in his 40’s might be worried about his reputation, his children’s future, and the retirement plans.

But it is depressing how people these days deal with their problems.

Kota (Rajasthan) is a hub of coaching institutes for students who aspire to take admission in Indian Institute Of Technology (IIT) and other such highly reptuted educational institutes for engineering and medical. It should be a matter of pride that we have such increased number of opportunities and institutes to get education these days. But unfortunately, it seems to be a curse for children. The following statistics shows the harsh reality of students in India.



And readers must know that the students are not weak hearted and they don’t kill themselves because they are tired of the studies. One must note that there is nothing wrong with this generation. The reasons that compell them to take such steps are:

  1. For 10,000 IIT seats, over 13 lakh students compete.
  2. Students have to appear in class 12 exams and entrance exams, simultaneously.
  3. Coaching classes from morning to evening.
  4. Students have Little information about careers beyond IIT and medical.
  5. Parents’ insistence on engineering and medical.
  6. Failure means non-repayment of loan which their parents have taken for them.

Aren’t these reasons enough to drag a person in the phase of depression  who is merely 15 years old.


I have earlier mentioned that there is nothing wrong with this generation. They are just a victim of increased competition and parents’ expectations.

It’s high time for people to understand that there is a life beyond engineering and medical. I don’t remember whether Sachin Tendulkar or Amitabh Bachchan or Mary Kom graduated from any of the IITs or IIMs.

And for all those people who are worried about anything in life, Remember:

” A couple years from now, everything you are stressing about won’t even matter. Keep moving forward.”

Keep moving forward like this guy did:original (1).jpg

If you are not inspired yet, let me tell you that Satya Nadella  is the current CEO of microsoft and he is neither from IIT nor from NIT.



Being Beautiful

“You should eat less.”

“Why don’t you join a gym?”

“No guy would like to date you.”

— These statements would have haunt me every night. I would  look in the mirror and think how ugly do I look. But I am talking about the parellel universe where I would probably be fat.

” You are so thin. Don’t you take proper meals?”— This is what I  actually get to hear from my friends and relatives.

I cannot be fat. And I cannot be thin.__fat_girl_and_thin_girl_by_moony_14_lucky-d4iqkne What exactly am I supposed to be?


I have never understood the concept of body shaming. Does being fat or black or short makes me a less human? We did not fill a form before our birth in which we had an option of choosing whether we want to be fat or thin; black or white; tall or short.

If my parents decide to arrange my marriage, they would find a groom who is genuine, who earns well and who has a good family background. In addition, they would also look for certain traits like he shall be tall and as fair as me.

But what if I decide to marry a man who is short, or fat, or not so fair? Won’t I be happy? Would it not matter if he is loving and caring and respectful and is well settled in life? Wouldn’t it fulfill the criteria of being a perfect life partner?

What will I do with his abs, or his 6’2″ height, or his fair skin if he can not love and understand me. In this case, people shall understand that I am looking for a groom not a model for a photoshoot of some magazine who has some set standards of being beautiful.

(I am not actually looking for a groom. :p )


According to me, there is no perfect definition of ‘ Being Beautiful.’ Your appearance would not determine your worth.

Po (from Kung fu panda movie) was cute. He was fat yet he became the dragon warrior and the teacher too (in 3rd part).

If being fat was a matter of embarrasment and an obstacle, then the snake would have become the dragon warrior.








A Nightmare

I was waiting for the call from past seven days.  Just a single call of yours would have set everything back on track.

Every single day was a challenge when I realized that I have nobody with whom I can share my problems and can express my feelings.  And when the sun would set in the evening, I would curse each day that kept me away from you. The nights would become a nightmare when everybody would be asleep and I would just remain awake, lying back on the couch with my cell phone in my hand and my eyes constantly gazing into that freaking gadget waiting for you to call and the night would end this way. The only companion I had were my tears.

This night was no different. I was pretending to be busy with my books and laptop when you called. I was supposed to be happy because that is what I was waiting for several days and nights. But I wasn’t. Probably because my sorrows, and my loneliness had made a home within my heart that I had forgot what happiness is.

The memory of the times when I used to jump out of my bed after seeing your name flashing on the phone screen flashed through my mind.

I picked up your call.

Your charming voice would always rejoice me. It would make me forget about all the things that bother me. But this day was different, although your voice injected some breath within me. I had so much to tell you, but I couldn’t.  I wanted to yell on you for being away all the time, but my tears overpowered me. I wanted to explain my loneliness to you, but I had no appropriate words that would explain it. Remember, when you asked me to smile? I wanted to fulfill that wish of yours. I wanted to smile too.

Lips are just a tool. People actually smile with their eyes. Mine were filled with tears.

I wanted to make you remember the way you cultivated the seed of love in my heart. I wanted you to remember the time you took vows to be with me forever.

I had so much to tell you but I had no stamina. The only thing I could do was to request you to hang up the phone. I did not want my sorrows reach up to you.

The line was disconnected and so was my hope. A hope that you could be with me again. A hope that I would smile again.

I threw myself on the floor and just screamed. I cried as much as could. My throat choked and I immediately rushed to the washroom to puke. I looked up in the mirror. My eyes were red. I gulped some water but my hands started shaking. I started to breathe heavily. I was running short of breath. I gulped some more water. And then some more. These panic attacks happen rarely to me.


I washed my face and my eyes; applied some collyrium in my eyes; came back into my room and started working on my laptop like nothing had happened.

Each night is a nightmare without you.  Every single day is a challenge without you. But strong are those girls who wake up every day with a smile on their face like nothing had happened last night.

Pride and courage

We met in the same café for a cup of coffee. It was a pleasant evening. I saw children playing in the streets down my way to café. There were few women getting the groceries as I passed through the marketplace. There wasn’t much rush in the café. He was already there waiting for me (though it’s unusual for him). It was me who always had to wait for an hour every time we met.

My favorite mocha and muffin was ordered as usual. The girl on the next table was looking gorgeous as she wore a sexy black gown. I teased him for that girl and even returned back his specks so that he can have a better look of that girl. He took the specks but kept it back on the table (again unusual).

“Is everything alright?”- I asked.

“Yes honey. I was just wondering how much we love and adore each other.”- He replied taking my palms into his.

“Yes we do.”

His eyes were constantly looking into mine. And I understood everything. Tears rolled down my eyes and he did not try to calm me down this time. Probably he was trying to hold his own tears. Silence had taken the supremacy at that moment.

No matter how many times he gets deployed or goes away, my hearts aches the same. When just the thought of him being away crashes me down, how can I be OK when he actually leaves.

It is a matter of pride to be queen of a king who serves in armed forces, but it takes a lot more courage to be one.


Goodbyes are hard. It’s always hard for the person leaving. But it’s even more hard for  the one left behind.

My choice is appreciable, whether it is the mocha & muffin, or, the person sitting beside me sharing it with me.


She did not turn back

She did not even turn back. The time that we both had spent together was constantly flashing through my mind like an old black & white film.

She was a headache to me all the time. But she was a cure too. I cannot forget the way she used to serve me a cup of coffee when I had least potential to serve myself.

She was fond of singing, and now when she is gone, her humming is hitting me hard in my brain. 

How can I forget the time when we used to cook together (or I shall say she would cook and I would stand beside her). I was bad at cooking. I would have literally starved if she was not there to cook for me.

I was never as warm to her as she was to me. She was full of emotions and expressions, and she was so lovely that I cannot explain till date.

Why didn’t she turn back? Had all her emotions died in last few days? Wasn’t she bothered anymore? Was I at fault?

All these questions would have been a potential reason to my sleepless nights. But this did not happen. Because I had started knowing that girl very well.

Yes, she did not turn back. 

Because she was hiding her tears.

Maybe I can find a new roomate this year. But it would be hard to find her replacement.



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