I was waiting for the call from past seven days. Just a single call of yours would have set everything back on track.
Every single day was a challenge when I realized that I have nobody with whom I can share my problems and can express my feelings. And when the sun would set in the evening, I would curse each day that kept me away from you. The nights would become a nightmare when everybody would be asleep and I would just remain awake, lying back on the couch with my cell phone in my hand and my eyes constantly gazing into that freaking gadget waiting for you to call and the night would end this way. The only companion I had were my tears.
This night was no different. I was pretending to be busy with my books and laptop when you called. I was supposed to be happy because that is what I was waiting for several days and nights. But I wasn’t. Probably because my sorrows, and my loneliness had made a home within my heart that I had forgot what happiness is.
The memory of the times when I used to jump out of my bed after seeing your name flashing on the phone screen flashed through my mind.
I picked up your call.
Your charming voice would always rejoice me. It would make me forget about all the things that bother me. But this day was different, although your voice injected some breath within me. I had so much to tell you, but I couldn’t. I wanted to yell on you for being away all the time, but my tears overpowered me. I wanted to explain my loneliness to you, but I had no appropriate words that would explain it. Remember, when you asked me to smile? I wanted to fulfill that wish of yours. I wanted to smile too.
Lips are just a tool. People actually smile with their eyes. Mine were filled with tears.
I wanted to make you remember the way you cultivated the seed of love in my heart. I wanted you to remember the time you took vows to be with me forever.
I had so much to tell you but I had no stamina. The only thing I could do was to request you to hang up the phone. I did not want my sorrows reach up to you.
The line was disconnected and so was my hope. A hope that you could be with me again. A hope that I would smile again.
I threw myself on the floor and just screamed. I cried as much as could. My throat choked and I immediately rushed to the washroom to puke. I looked up in the mirror. My eyes were red. I gulped some water but my hands started shaking. I started to breathe heavily. I was running short of breath. I gulped some more water. And then some more. These panic attacks happen rarely to me.
I washed my face and my eyes; applied some collyrium in my eyes; came back into my room and started working on my laptop like nothing had happened.
Each night is a nightmare without you. Every single day is a challenge without you. But strong are those girls who wake up every day with a smile on their face like nothing had happened last night.